Starting each Lenten journey is in fact a new beginning. It is a chance to slow down re-evaluate, consider and ponder the state of our spiritual life. At least that how it is for me.
I always have such high expectations that just because it is Lent, I will somehow magically be able to overcome the most habitual temptations. Like Frodo and the ring, I somehow become invisible to the all Seeing Eye. The truth is that I become more aware of the habitual temptations and my habitual tendency to succumb.
Like being that poor little mouse on the wheel, running and running and never getting anywhere. At least that is how it seems with some temptations.
I like to humor myself and think awareness is progress! But it’s true….. awareness is progress. Seeing something about ourselves in the stark light of day is a precious grace of God. Bringing that which is broken within us into the light is the grace of awareness.
The question then becomes: what are we going to do with it? We could pretend we don’t know it about ourselves and try to go back into the darkness. Or we could make excuses for it, like: it’s because of my mother that I am like this. Or we could just sit with it for a while, ponder the reality of it all, maybe it was because of your mother, but that’s not helping you now.
Pondering the grace of awareness about ourselves is another grace from God. As it means He is drawing us into relationship with him and the deepest parts of ourselves. The self that only He, who created us can know.
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